I have written “The Wall of Time” based on my experience of involuntary childlessness. This is my second song about this subject. Why? Because the almost 5-year long struggle to get a child is something I will never forget. The happy ending of giving birth to Viktor marked a closure of the “physical” struggle. But the mental struggle didn’t just disappear. The contrast between trying to force myself for so long to not feel anything during the process of trying to get pregnant- in order to protect myself- and then the new role as a mother suddenly full of uncontrollable feelings and crying all the time of happiness and, well, just of being a mother. This contrast made me a bit confused about myself, and it took me a while to find my feet again. To realize that it actually happened. I did become a mother. Something I had tried to tell myself would not happen so that I would be able to cope with that possible outcome- but yet still hoping deep inside. 
 
I can still so clearly recall my feelings and state of mind from the long period of uncertainty, and I will never be able to forget and put it behind me completely. The experience has become part of me. And in the aftermath of this, I have felt a need to process it with my songs. 

This song about involuntary childlessness is based on my own experiences during the four and a half years of trying to get pregnant. Peter and I were some of the lucky ones who succeeded at the end after numerous treatments, and I gave birth to our Viktor last summer. So this is not an attempt to get pity. I know that some try even longer and some don’t succeed. But I want to tell my own story about this struggle because it has become part of who I am today. It was an inner struggle between heart and mind- battling with an inevitable ghost called time. 
Making this song has been kind of like therapy for me, and to release it now feels as if I can finally let go of the pressure I have felt for so many years. It’s a closure.