I have written “The Wall of Time” based on my experience of involuntary childlessness. This is my second song about this subject. Why? Because the almost 5-year long struggle to get a child is something I will never forget. The happy ending of giving birth to Viktor marked a closure of the “physical” struggle. But the mental struggle didn’t just disappear. The contrast between trying to force myself for so long to not feel anything during the process of trying to get pregnant- in order to protect myself- and then the new role as a mother suddenly full of uncontrollable feelings and crying all the time of happiness and, well, just of being a mother. This contrast made me a bit confused about myself, and it took me a while to find my feet again. To realize that it actually happened. I did become a mother. Something I had tried to tell myself would not happen so that I would be able to cope with that possible outcome- but yet still hoping deep inside.

I can still so clearly recall my feelings and state of mind from the long period of uncertainty, and I will never be able to forget and put it behind me completely. The experience has become part of me. And in the aftermath of this, I have felt a need to process it with my songs.